Unmistaken_Yet_Unknown_ I _Remain_ A _Myth

The album the college drop-out by Kanye West has become my ultimate motivational tool. In my course of growth and development, I have found in my family majority of our males haven’t even made completed highschool. With the opportunity to advance my education; I am over eager to contribute to the survival of my bloodline in this fast growing world. With so much in common between the album and I, I have particulary been attracted to the notion that understanding self-worth is as important as realizing what I am capable of. Not realizing the college drop out rate was as high as it is amongst african american students, further contributed to my intrigue. I to have fallen short to materialistic acquiring and uneeded wants. I to have wasted much valuable time overendulging myself in unregarding decisions of my future, that were just undisciplined for my current status; which is unfitting. Growing mentally and deminishing physically, developing physically, yet lacking control. Wisdom I have obtained. Enlightenment through such peers as Mr. West and his current life endeavors has awakened the inner man within myself. Being of “book smarts” , common sense, and “street smarts” yet lacking real world experience; I was set out blindly by ambition to achieve more. Unknowingly of what it was I wanted to acquire so badly except the basic of all desires. A home of my own to call my own, a family (God willing), and financial stability. A worry free life of happiness. Only after many short comings did I realize what I needed. That is until someone of the same background approached this un-isolated phenomena that is currently being played out throughout the boundaries of the social class in which I currently live.

Through his motivational lyrics such as: We don’t care, Graduation, and School Spirit; he offers deliverance and peace to accepting one’s fate when making choices that are none but your own.

I can understand the struggle of being pressured to maintain a life, create goals for a life, and trying to live one already underway. Only through careful listening and deciphering of the true content characterized by “ghetto living”; can one draw out the meaning and overlook the misconception.

In a degree of effort we all have faced the pressure of “living out someone else’s dream. Many of us surcome and given. Most are fighting to maintain their individuallity. I myself have overlived many expectations of others by my own techniques of survival. One of which is to look to others who share my journey in this struggle to overcome statistics. Who create these statistics anyway. Given that if things would change, so would these statistics. This is the higher ecolon of the struggle at hand. No longer being the perverbial lab rat, but the administrator of the experiment. Taking heed to guidance from all aspects of life, yet unyeilding to trust anyone outside the institutional surroundings of education; I find my calling. Only have I found some trust in educational institutions to pursue my newly acquired focus. Unlike many instances of meeting throughout everyday life. A wake up call to grab ahold of what remains of my own self (inner-being as well as outter resemblance), and to mold and use this to succeed in that which I have set out to do. Rebuilding that which others have demolished in their own quest to survive.

Why should I spend an entire life entrapped within a socialistic surrounding that defeats my ambition and ability to grow. Whether I learn fast or am able to adapt, I should be free to place myself where I am at the most use for myself and society as well. This album has much to give to the person who has lost their voice of reasoning amongst the maintenance of a government in which we can only see as the “being of whom entraps us”.

The album the college drop-out by Kanye West has become my ultimate motivational tool. In my course of growth and development, I have found in my family majority of our males haven’t even made completed highschool. With the opportunity to advance my education; I am over eager to contribute to the survival of my bloodline in this fast growing world. With so much in common between the album and I, I have particulary been attracted to the notion that understanding self-worth is as important as realizing what I am capable of. Not realizing the college drop out rate was as high as it is amongst african american students, further contributed to my intrigue. I to have fallen short to materialistic acquiring and uneeded wants. I to have wasted much valuable time overendulging myself in unregarding decisions of my future, that were just undisciplined for my current status; which is unfitting. Growing mentally and deminishing physically, developing physically, yet lacking control. Wisdom I have obtained. Enlightenment through such peers as Mr. West and his current life endeavors has awakened the inner man within myself. Being of “book smarts” , common sense, and “street smarts” yet lacking real world experience; I was set out blindly by ambition to achieve more. Unknowingly of what it was I wanted to acquire so badly except the basic of all desires. A home of my own to call my own, a family (God willing), and financial stability. A worry free life of happiness. Only after many short comings did I realize what I needed. That is until someone of the same background approached this un-isolated phenomena that is currently being played out throughout the boundaries of the social class in which I currently live.

Through his motivational lyrics such as:

Many enigmatic moments can be found througout my own memory bank. Encrypted in ways that only defining moments or perhaps simple things in which I can trust to store them (memories) behind. Several of which are currently embedded within various songs which I found inspirational to my own personnality and being.

I recall being in the brig during a crucial point in my life, where I had to make the most important decision of my life. Deciding whether or not to sepearate my some of my many character traits from my personnality or let nature take its course. Well for me, being that I retaliate often and am usually found in trouble somehow; I decided that taking my life into my own hands was best. I first thought of ways to maintain my person and altar how I wanted to financially structure my life. This is when Twista’s album Legit Ballin made an intricate moment in my life. Instead of making friends and enemies, I should now make a stable network. Getting rich and livin out a true “ballin life” without drawbacks of unwanted regulations; as well as ending fueds, jealousy, hate, and stupidity.

This thus triggered an onset to evaluate my current predicament at that time. I had given up my chance to go to college when I should have and ended up in the Navy, in trouble. Just as I probably would have anyways. But regardless of that notion, I pondered and found that I had something in me arising in relation to enlighten me to prepare for my road to come which I am now on. Then out of nowhere, I am hit to understand I am on somewhat of the right track by looking to my musical peers. Kanye West and his release of his album the “College Drop-out”. How ironic to feel this way and smack dead in the face there it was in writing. I had to listen, had to find more guidance.

After listening to the album, my decision was finalized. Between ballin legitly and acknowledging my dreams, I had to jump back into action. I now find myself in this class making my plans even more concrete as I learn to draw out my concepts of wealth more realistically.

Two albums of choice which have ifluenced me most from the list of 10, would be:
Kanye West’s “The College Drop-out”; and Twista’s “Legit Ballin”. I chose these two albums in fact for the high encryption and use of “hood” mechanics to deliver an unrecognisable motion. With infiltrated areas of life, where anyone can play a part in the destruction of one person’s dream, to the dream of a nation as a whole; there has to be methods of conversing while still keeping secrecy. Plus, as extra beneficial guidance, these two albums seem like they are placed here for those who have been slowly caught up in living in reality and “the dream that better living is obtainable”. So many people try to live this dream that they miss out on their own lives. These albums serve my purpose of waking up to live both.

Off top, gathering 10 albums that has some type of meaning or emotional attatchment that recall subjectively relays is rather strenous. However, after consideration I was able to come up with the proper ones. I really haven’t been enjoying many albums due to interest, financial resources, subject matter, etc. But what has really prevented me from enjoying or even listening to any music has been this utter rut of onset emotions in which to handle the lyrics contained in many albums, within me has not been secure. Although, this homeostasis of mine is unbalanced at the moment, I have recalled some meaningful albums to me. These albums are as follows:
1) Legit Ballin (Twista)- This album introduces the gangsta, thug, hustla, street, and various other “hood” lifestyels that remain in areas of low urbanized city dwellings such as my home here in Detroit; to the existing lifestyle found within the “Legit” world of business. Giving inspiration to acknowledge that many areas of business can be found to have some area of corruptness; this album enthusiated me to even consider the notion of “clean money”, and ways to make your money work for itself to bring more money. Somewhere within this album I found the quiantness of hoping to have financial freedom, and security someday contrived of my own growth and experience growing up raised by that which links me to this album.

2) Body Kisses (Ronald Isley)- Here is an album of patience, time, and love. Lyrics of devotion that compelle to push that currently dying emotion of love. Creativity, desire, and longing for that-that the hart craves; I recognized my awaking of my own lust. Not a lust for women in general; but a lust to fulfill my desires of finding that one and only person to satisfy that urge in many ways.

3) The mis-education of the negro (Lauryn Hill)- The pursuit of higher learning to achieve stability in and ever growing society within and ever growing world to be longer endentured survants surving in a “game” in which we are ignorant; this album gives purpose to pursue higher education. Whether if it is institutionalized or “spoon-fed”; learning is the awaking that many miss and lack.

4) The college drop-out (Kanye West)- This album title counteracts with the above album. Yet, within this album is their a deeper calling of attention. Sacrifice of one’s goals to serve a higher purpose to the community. Giving books to experience; wisdom is given verbally to listeners that there are ways of overcoming when pressured by the event of not overcoming. Defeat is only as you view it; should be this albums motto.

5) Songs In “A” Minor (Alicia Keys)- This talently put together album of some of the most remarkable instrumental convayence, is rather pleasant to me. Also, the quality of sound along with the lyrics makes the album rich and diverse. Its jazzy new development and introduction of someone spactacular and talented. Plus, with the lyrics of someone who understands life from more than just one “version of living”; gives this album diversity in such a way of comprehending.

This would be the extent of my album listening of choice. I can, on the other hand, list many artists, composers, writers, etc. ; who just as well, have made an impact with various tracks (songs). Often albums are not as one may expectant them to be, due to the many contributing factors that rate the content found within them. Such things being: media, market, sales, fans, etc.. These things affect the quality in which regular listeners are used to. So, often a person tends to defend the artist and slander the album; yet hold on to various tracks to regard. I am such a person. My ears have been shut off for sometime and I am being introduced to various music by subjection and introduction from a third-party. Not of my own interest. But eventually my interest will arise again.

Lately, after examining the types of music I am most interested in, I find I am more suttle to music that reflects my inner soul as to who I am. Slow beats that relay harmonious atmosphere to ease the deliverance of lyrics to convey targeted messages instead of “useless none-sense” of what we live today is more me. I guess I like music and not the majority of the lyrics that are out there today. Or could I say my music is in my hart and I tend to desire instrumentals to display my own onset of words to express.

I was recently riding in my car alone the other day and heard Mary J. blige’s newest song on the radio. I really don’t know the title however. It made me realize at that moment what I wanted. In some way it seems as if in her lyrics her emotions are pouring as she is trying to plea her vow to someone in efforts to link her feelings in some way more understandable and recognizable than anything placed before them. The climax in voice, trembling in pitch, and the deliverance of performance is recognisable by me in some way more deep in nature than I can understand myself. To cry out so intimately, so passionately, so private. With the lyrics in that song can hidden emotions be so vivid in presentation that it speeks for itself. I really did picture at that moment a wedding ceremony in which someone could unvail the vows in such a way. An untragic mix between soul, blues, gospel, with a little bit of modern sythizing makes this track unremarkable. A Love song like this has out-dated all epic tragedies to become an example of triumph. Victory over love lost.

Have some artists in some way encrypted hidden pleas for help. Would “Gangsta Rappers” really incriminate themselves by embellishing or fully advertising their whereabouts, dealings, and criminal endeavors; just for publicity to make money. Wouldn’t you think that they would suspect phone taps, litigations, investigations, etc.

In a world filled with so many captivating pleasures, I find myself incontent. Now constantly trying to hide every essence of emotion has been my only objective. Have I been punished? Subjected to this world, to watch as everyone around me take part in something that brings them joy and happiness. These are the things that in which I am constantly in thought.

It sickens me so, to watch how simple things get taken for granted. And yet, I can do nothing. How can I? Why should I? No one seems to care. And finally, when I do take a step to share what I feel, I am looked upon as a rebel or trouble maker; which makes me more angrier at the world.

I blame myself for what I have become. Someone who care about nothing; not even life itself. I linger everyday, and with each moment, longing for a way to escape. For me the world has gotten so ugly. Deprived of the very essence which makes life worth living. This is my world.

I am subjected constantly with the anguishing feeling of wanting to escape. But how can I when this is the only world I know?

Impurities lye within me, embedded within my mind, body and perhaps my soul. I fight to contain them and many are often willing to share my struggle. Although acquiring thes many plagues were not of my own accord; but of my own negligance, I am still forced to bear them alone.

Everyday is a constant battle to suppress and pass this contained infestation to somehow rid me of this death. Often it appears to be shy, yet I understand that it may be contagious. It takes my all to endure the loneliness that comes from the isolation of myself from others. Even though I am a victim already, many are willing to still fight to invade my life.

There are barriers that can be implicated and strategies to fight. Yet, I chose to stand-alone. My battle, my fight; for I am now the carrier. Will it devour me and leave me for dead? I have no hope. I have ran out of options. There is nowhere to turn. If I only had a single ailment, then maybe a cure could be sought. Tragically to say, the contained infestation that has come over me is compiled of many multiple impurities. I reamain uncleansed.